Her Name Was Lily
by andrewgarfieldsadamsapple
Summary: He felt so guilty. If he'd been home he could've prevented it. Every time he looked at Harry, every time he closed his eyes, he saw her lying limp on the floor. Pale and Dead. (One-Shot.)


**Jily One-Shot in which James survives. And Lily doesn't.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything because I have yet to open my cosplay-stripping business and collect the funds to buy Harry Potter.**

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It wasn't supposed to end that way.

They were supposed to live and take care of Harry and , maybe, have more kids and grow old. Together.

But they weren't. And nothing hurt him more.

James punched the wall, barely wincing when his fist made contact and his knuckles bruised and began to bleed. _She _would have helped. But _she_ was dead.

He hadn't been home that night. He had gone out with Sirius because the Order didn't have enough people and they had said they needed him to go help. And he had fallen for it.

When he came back at three in the morning, he heard Harry's shrill cries and automatically wondered why Lily wasn't walking him around the room, shushing him and kissing his forehead. James walked up the stairs slowly, cautiously, tiredly, and that's when he saw her.

He felt so guilty. If he'd been home he could've prevented it. Every time he looked at Harry, every time he closed his eyes, he saw her lying limp on the floor.

Pale and Dead.

James punched the wall again.

"Dad?"

James swore under his breath, turning to find his six-year-old son staring at him from down the hall. He looked over Harry's shoulder, trying to bring himself to look directly at the child.

"Yeah, Harry?" He asked, hiding his now throbbing fist behind his back, refusing to look directly at the boy.

"You said you'd stop hurting the wall." Harry said quietly, holding his small doe blanket tightly to his chest.

"I know. I'm sorry." James said quietly, reaching down and ruffling the hair that was so much like his own and making sure not to look into the eyes that were so like _hers_.

"Were you thinking about Mummy again?"

Surprised, James swallowed and nodded.

"Sometimes Uncle Sirius and Uncle Remus tell me about her."

He stared at the floor.

"I asked them why you don't like to look at me."

James frowned, forcing his glance to Harry's scarred forehead.

"They said it's 'cuz I remind you of her."

"Harry-" He started, kneeling down to his son's height and doing his best to look him in the eyes.

"No, it's okay. It's a good thing."

"A good thing?" James echoed, and Harry nodded.

"Yeah, Uncle Sirius said it's a good thing. He said it means that you love me a whole lot, just like you loved Mummy, and that you haven't gone mad yet."

"You're the one keeping me sane, Harry," He laughed softly, pulling Harry close to him and wrapping his large arms around his small frame.

"I know, Dad."

James smiled and stood, picking Harry up. The small boy locked his arms around his father's neck, keeping his blanket trapped between their chests.

"Will you tell me about her?"

"A-about your mum?" James asked weakly.

"Of course." Harry answered and James chuckled.

"Your… Your mum was the most fantastic woman in the world."

Harry buried his face in the crook of James' neck, just like Lily had when she was upset, and it made James' breath catch. He carried Harry out into the living room and sat down on the couch, now looking directly at Harry and doing his best not to break down into tears like he had night after night, year after year.

"Tell me more."

"Alright," James nodded, running his fingers through his hair. "She was smart and-"

"And pretty? Sirius said that she was really pretty."

"She was. She had red hair and green eyes just like yours and Merlin, she was perfect."

"Red hair like Ron's? And Mrs. Weasley's?"

"Not quite, a little darker." He smiled, thinking about Lily.

"Ron's house is fun. When you go to work and I go over there I like there bunches of people around."

"I know you do, Harry."

"Would Mummy have had s'more babies so I could have a brother? Or a sister, like Ginny?"

"Maybe. I think she wanted to. I did, eventually."

"That would've been fun."

"Yeah, it would have." James smirked.

"More." Harry commanded after a few seconds of silence.

"I don't know what to tell you!"

Harry giggled and shook his head, playing with James' glasses. "Tell me about her favorite color and Hogwarts and why you liked her."

"Her favorite color was yellow," James started, a nostalgic look creeping into his eyes. "I told her that whenever she wore it she looked like a sunflower."

"That's mean, Daddy."

"I was only teasing. Don't tease girls, though, sometimes it makes them sad."

"But it made Mummy love you!"

"That's where we get to Hogwarts. Your mum hated me. I teased her and asked her out all the time and annoyed her. She had a friend who didn't like me and I made fun of him a lot. It wasn't nice of me to do, but I wanted her to like me. One day I made her friend so mad that he hurt her feelings and they stopped being friends and soon she became friends with me. _Then_ she fell in love with me," He said, smiling sadly.

Harry stuck out his tongue and wrinkled his nose. "That doesn't sound like fun."

"It wasn't for a long time."

"Why'd you like her?"

James' brow furrowed and he pulled a hand through his hair again.

"She was pretty and smart and funny and she… She was very brave, Harry. You have to know that. She was very brave."

"Brave like you?"

"Braver. And she was spirited. Do you know what spirited means?"

"No."

"She, er… She sort of did whatever she wanted when she wanted and she did everything she could to get her way."

"Oh."

"Oh." James repeated with a small nod.

"What was her name?"

"What?"

"Was her name Evans? Uncle Sirius always calls her Evans."

James let out a small chuckle and pictured her in yellow, going from yelling at him to kissing him in a second flat, being so brave.

"No. Her name was Lily."

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**And there's that. I wrote it in Science, like usual, when I was supposed to be watching a video on earthquakes in Alaska. Y'all see how that turned out.**

**I'm not sure how it's Jily if Lily never makes an apperance due to untimely death, but in the words of the great Lydia Bennet,**

**whatevs.**

**Thanks for reading.**


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